Holidays

Well, it's the holiday season again. Nothing major going on in my life. I worked Thanksgiving and the day after and will be working Christmas eve and probably Christmas. That's fine I guess. I still need the money.

My quest for bariatric surgery seems to have stalled. It's been over three months and I just can't seem to get a referral to see a surgeon. This is very frustrating. I know if I did have the opportunity to do it I could make it work financially with all the hours I'm putting in. Hopefully I'll have an update soon.

I sent my Mom a Christmas card. And I actually got one back! And it wasn't filled with bad stuff. She basically just kind of updated me on things that have been going on in her life. She says she was in a "coma" and almost died. I'm not sure what really happened but whatever it was doesn't sound good for sure. And my brother actually had a kid (I'm assuming with Billie his wife). So I have a nephew finally. Maybe by the time we heal all these wounds I can come by and play with him. That will be nice.

Aztec Football

I just had to write about how proud I am of my team tonight. They took care of business and upset Boise St in another OT thriller. They took chances and they made plays. This is what football is all about. They have heart and their coach and the biggest set of cajones in college coaching. They are everything the Chargers AREN'T. They over achieve. They started 0-3 and now they are 7-4. They got themselves up off the mat and started kicking ASS. I'm an AZTEC4LIFE and I couldn't be prouder!

Gastric Sleeve

I haven't posted anything for a while so I thought I'd write something, even if it's short.

Things are going ok. Seems like this year is flying by. I like my job at the RTA. I wish it paid more of course but who doesn't want to be paid more, right? We might get a bump next year with the new union contract. I just hope they don't screw the new guys. Domino's is ok. For the most part I like the work. It's pretty easy stuff. And or course I like working with Shealy and most of the other guys and gals. Ralph is still a pain sometimes. I just don't understand his thinking. But he's better than James (the area manager) so I guess things could be worse.

The "holidays" are coming up. Probably won't be much of a big deal in my life. I will get PAID days off from RTA for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's so that's cool. Maybe next year I'll be in a better position financially to enjoy them a little more. At least at this point in my life I'm making plenty to pay the bills and save a little. And of course fix my car. It seems like every month I have a couple hundred in expenses going to that thing.

And the big (as in "gordo") thing going on in my life is my pursuit of bariatric surgery. It's been a slow process thus far. Last week I saw a gastroenterologist. She recommended I have a colonoscopy. So I'm doing that on the 20th. I also had to give a stool sample. One of the grossest things I've ever experienced.

It's interesting how over the years I always thought that people who got bariatric surgery were "cheating". Part of that thinking was that I was probably jealous that I didn't have that kind of money or insurance to get it done. Now that I do have decent insurance and my out of pocket expense is reasonable my whole thinking has changed. At this point in my life if I don't do something drastic I'll probably die in the next 20 years. Now I figure even if I get the surgery I'm still going to have to do a lot of work to keep the weight off. I don't want to end up like Jim T. But getting it done will be a HUGE boost in helping me achieve my health goals. I would love to get back under 300lbs and STAY there for the rest of my life. And I think getting under 250 is even realistic if I put in the work and stick to thing. Next Tuesday is going to be a big test when I have to fast for about 24 hours. I don't think I've ever done that. We'll see how it all goes!

Dream

With today being the 50th anniversary of MLK's Dream speech I thought I better post something. What a great speech first of all. Last night I watched it in it's entirety. What a great orator he was. Reminds me a lot of Obama. Learned a lot about King too. His approval rating was only 30% at the time of his death. Now he is universally loved. Needless to say, if he were alive we would view things much differently.

Our country has come a long way in the past 50 years. But it still have a long way to go. I don't think we'll ever have true "equality" but we must strive for it. White people are always going to have a leg up in this country. That's just how it's going to be. Maybe in 200 years or something when we're all a little more brown will this country live up to it's creed.

237

It's 4th of July. And I'm glad I'm an American. Right now I hear fireworks outside my window. Not a big fan of them this evening. Seeing that I have to wake up in about 8 hours. I live in the greatest country this world have ever known and I am GRATEFUL for that. This year the 4th is a busy one with me and my jobs. Hopefully next year I'll be in a better position to celebrate the holiday with a little time off.

Daryl 80

Today is my father's 80th birthday. I'm imagining what it must have been like being born in a small Iowa town during the Great Depression. Roosevelt had just taken office earlier that year. Were they optimistic of life in this country? Were they struggling with money? How great would it be to go back in time to that moment when he entered this world.

I wish he were around so I could ask him more questions about his youth and growing up during that time. He was such a bright guy. I wish I had appreciated the positives about him instead of focusing on the negatives. I think he would be proud of me becoming a bus driver. He always wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a driving instructor.

Speaking of bus driving, I got my schedule for the next few months. I'm full time. NICE. Three other guys withdrew their full time applications so I jumped on it. It's not the perfect schedule but I get immediate benefits like healthcare, paid time off and holiday pay. And now I'm locked into a full time bid. It can't get taken away from me. Tomorrow is a big day. Gotta be at work at 6am. Doing "Runabout" all day. It should be interesting.

Class B

On Thursday I got my Class B Commercial Driver's License. So I'm officially a SLO RTA "coach operator" (That's fancy for bus driver). I'm proud of myself. Is it my dream job? Far from. But is it a solid job I can feel good about? Definitely. In a few months hopefully I'll have benefits like paid time off, paid holidays and health insurance. The pay isn't the greatest but considering I was looking at jobs paying as low as $10/hr this ain't bad. And from what I've heard there is a lot of opportunity for extra hours and overtime. I'm not going to be rich by any stretch but hopefully I can start paying down some of my debt obligations and live a little more "comfortably". Oh, and get my car fixed, and save to move, and pay my car insurance. Etc, etc etc.

Now is the time I really need to start focusing on my health. No more excuses. After I each sushi with Sean and Krystal of course.

Gay Marriage

I cried today.

I cried today because gay men and women in my HOME STATE of CALIFORNIA will soon have the right to marry.

I cried today because the Federal Government of My Country will now recognize legally married gay citizens.

I cried today because The United States of America became A More Perfect Union.

We have a long way to go in the fight for equal rights for gays in the country, but there is no doubt that today was a GOOD DAY.

Power Outage

Right now the power is out in AG. Its kind of eerie. Strange how quiet it is. I guess this is how it was everywhere not too long ago. Amazing how much we rely on electricity.  I did find a few candles in the house. And I have my flashlight I just bought. So I guess things aren't too bad. Its a Sunday night and I should be heading to bed anyway.

Oh wait, my cpap needs power. Looks like if I do get some sleep I will be restless.

Full Moon

I miss Alta. There I said it. I know I'm not supposed to think it much less say it but it's true. No, I don't think we should be together. And no, I don't have realistic hopes that we will be. But I do miss many aspects of her. When I see a full moon like tonight it makes me think of her. She was a wonderful, beautiful woman and I'm grateful for the fun times we had together. She saved my life in a lot of ways.

Anyway... back to the present. There is a full moon tonight and it's GORGEOUS. It's a "Super Moon". Basically the biggest one of the year. I wish I had a companion to share it with. I got Chino at least right?

As for the eating better initiative I have to be honest and admit it ain't going so well. Now, it's not as bad as it was a few months ago where I was almost punishing myself by eating as much as possible. I have shown restraint at certain times recently. Just tonight I was going to hit 7-Eleven and get some candy and I didn't. I have some cake here at the house I could still eat but I knew if I got candy at 7-Eleven I would feel compelled to eat it all. And there have been other times where I took the less calorie route. Trying to abstain from sugar has definitely been a challenge. Once I get those cravings it's like I have to fulfill it or else it will just simmer in my head all day/night. I need a Higher Power.

Work, Work and more Work

Just noticed I haven't posted in a while. I've been working like crazy. I definitely need to adjust my Domino's hours or I'm going to burn out. It is nice to know that I'll have a little money this month though.

So with all the work I've slacked off on the healthy eating and exercise. I know... no excuses. The trainer at RTA puts out candy on the table everyday.  I try not to eat too many but a few always make their way into my mouth. One thing good I've done while there is I always take the stairs. Getting in shape would really help with my job too. Things like the pre-trip and strapping in wheelchair people will be SO much easier if I didn't have as big a gut. I just have to keep chugging along and try to improve.

SLO RTA

Today was my first day at my new job. SLO RTA is where you can find info about it. For a first day, everything went pretty darn well. Everyone seems really cool and they seem pretty genuine. It's like everyone likes there job. I know once I start really "working" there I'll see a few jaded folks but for now I couldn't ask for anything better.

I think this new job could positively or negatively effect my health. Obviously I'll be sitting most of the time. But I'll have more structure to my days too. These next few weeks could be a great opportunity to eat modestly so I don't have to use the restroom too much. It will be interesting how things go once I start the driving full time.

Sugar

Today I "treated" myself to some sugar. I know I shouldn't. There's really no reason to do it. Other than I'm kinda lonely and I'm anxious about my new job and new schedule that will happen soon.

Consistency?

Went to the gym again tonight. Not for long. Only was on the machines for about 40 minutes or so. But the fact that I made it there and followed through really pleases me. I had a hundred excuses in my back pocket tonight not to go. With all that's going on with my car and tomorrow being my (likely) last full day off for a while I could have easily detoured to In-N-Out instead and gotten myself some burger(s) and fries... and maybe a shake. But I didn't. I'll probably have a late night snack still but I'm sure it will be half the calories I would have consumed. And I worked out my heart and emotionally and mentally I feel good right now.

Hopefully "Bob" the mechanic can fix my car tomorrow and I can feel even better.

No Sugar

For the last 2 days I've managed to avoid sweets. It hasn't been easy. But hopefully it will get easier as each day I stay away from sugar. This new diabetes number has really put things in perspective for me. I'm not eating great but lately I've been more conscious of what and how much food I put in my mouth. And today I went to the gym for about an hour. Feeling good about things, like I'm on the right track. Gotta keep it that way.

6.8

Went to the doc today. My A1C level was 6.8. I guess it's "official" now. I'm diabetic. I'm up to 5 different prescription pills now. I should only be taking 1 if I were healthy (I'll probably have to battle uric acid the rest of my life.) The huge meals and large amounts of sugar has to STOP. I've been decent about the sugar lately. When I bought soda the other day it was all diet (yeah, I know that stuff isn't great foe me either).

I mean, there are so many positives to eating better and exercising more. I've talked about this stuff for years. But now that I"m near 4 bills and middle-aged doing those things seem more urgent than ever. I'm planning on going to the gym this afternoon. Gotta take it one day at a time. Smaller meals, less sugar and more more. That's the plan.

Toilet seat

The last few days have not been good. Had a major sugar relapse with some Ben & Jerrys and Coke. I think about my next meal constantly. I'm a food addict. And its my responsibility to arrest this compulsion. It's hard but I need to keep FIGHTING!

Tonight I broke the toilet seat in the bathroom. How embarrasing. Especially since I share the bathroom. Obviously I will get another one asap. Another sign of my morbid obesity.

Day 2

This is my first post from my phone. Not a bad day. I went to the gym and didn't have any sugar again. Gotta keep it going!

397

That's the number the scale at the Doctor's office read when I went to get my physical for my new job. I usually subtract 2lbs for shoes and clothes so my "official" recorded weight is 395. Being that close to 400 is a huge (pun intended) wake up call.

Well, today I made some small changes. Assuming I don't go out and buy any food, today will be the first day in many months that I haven't had any sweets. Stuff like candy, ice cream, shakes, regular soda, etc. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to sugar. I don't want to completely abstain from it (after all sugar is in A LOT of foods) but in my ideal world it would be a treat reserved for special occasions. Or at most once a week or so. Not everyday like I've been doing recently.

 I also didn't really eat too bad today. Kept things modest and tried to spread my food out more evenly throughout the day. And... I went on a short hike and walked the dogs this evening. Overall, a pretty good day. When I lay my head down to rest I'm fairly certain I'll feel proud of my actions today. And maybe I can string a few more of these type of days together?